I have wanted to mention trust for a long time. As a person, I was extremely trusting. If someone wanted to be my friend in the past, I believed they had no alternative agenda, I was convinced their intentions were honourable and above all, I trusted the words they said without any double meaning! To be honest back then, as a teenager, growing up, I never really had any trouble with people. I believed what they said to be true and no one, that I can remember, took advantage of me. Could it be that people had higher standards back then. Maybe they were bought up better or maybe, just maybe, they were just more trustworthy. It is possible of course, I just knew the right people. Whatever the reasons, trusting someone. meant mutual reliance, from both sides and that was good, healthy and correct!
I grew up in a very different time. I was bought up by parents, who had moral standards, that all parents should have. My parents worked, unlike those you see today. They also came from a generation, where being polite and courteous, holding doors open for others, letting a pregnant Lady sit down on a bus, rather than themselves, were common place, You see back then, people had more empathy for others, and the rules and regulations, you see and hear today, were just common practice back then. There were no need for such rules, because rules of politeness and trusting people to do the right thing, were just part of growing up, with a decent family, who instilled their morals upon you.
So when did this change? Well I don't really know! The exact people, when people became less trustworthy, or indeed, even if there was a point, or rather, a beginning, when I began mixing with those types, but there clearly was a point!
I came from a small town/village. From what I have discovered, I believe standards of behaviour were not only different back then, but were also different, from city, to town, to village. There wasn't a lot of hardship where I came from. People didn't have to battle as hard and there didn't seem to be the problems we have today. People had more common decency. People had higher standards and people were bought up properly!
I was at University until 1994. The people I met there, were very much like those at School. They were of the same generation, bought up properly and had similar views. I had a best friend at that time and trusted her implicitly. The trouble happened, after I left University and met my ex partner. He was a born liar. He could lie for England, let alone the Church, who he always used to back up his disgusting behaviour. It was something to hide behind and he used it frequently. As my partner, I should have trusted him, but never really did. He was always sleeping around with other guys anyway, as his, so called friends told me all the time. Surviving in a relationship with that person for eighteen months was difficult, and sadly your unhappiness takes you down other roots and paths. I met some of the worst people in life, I had ever met before, and like my ex partner, they took, lied and were one of the most untrustworthy bunch I had ever met.
At the time you think they are right, good friends and trustworthy. It is only now, when you look back, you realise just how bad these people were. They prey on your own sense of insecurity. They pretend to be someone, they are not, usually a substitute for your Mother or Father.They also offer you happiness when there was none. Happiness through the bottom of a bottle or a little something to lift that smile, even for a short while. Dreadful, untrustworthy, low lives, who only think about themselves.
At different times, throughout our lives together, myself and Jason have moved away, in order to stake stock and reassess our life together. Judging on recent history, over the last two years, this should have been another one of those times, to up sticks and move away. Only this time we have decided not too! We are both working and have a decent home and do not want to up root ourselves because of others.
So what of these others. Well I do not want to mention them by name, because of the legality behind it. Lets just say this. A so called man, who mentions you as his 'BRO', in order to appeal to your sense of loss, over your own family, is low! People know what family mean to me. They know I do not have much left and to use emotive words to win my heart is a terrible indictment on them. For a period of time it worked. I believed that person was like a Brother to me, accept for this. A Brother does not steal from me, take from me at my lowest, lie about my relationship and pretend to be innocent and try to lie their way out of their own web of deceit!
This current, or rather, the last lot of people who claimed to be something they are not, have probably been the worst I have ever known. I suppose when you are around on a scene for as many years as I have been, your reputation for being a 'Soft Touch', can be used to other peoples advantage, as it has been, but in reality, you hope, keep hoping that there are good, better people around the corner.
They always say the same thing, pull at the same heart strings or skew the things they say, so you believe them and not yourself. Breaking up my relationship. Yes, that happened twice in the last few years, when it had never happened before. Lying their way out of situations, by using myself and my partner as the get out clause. Yes it nearly worked too. We both very nearly believed we were the bad ones, but thankfully we saw beyond that and past their own rubbish and lies!
There were even people pretending to be on your side, yet spending their time, with those who sort to destroy us. Preaching one thing to me and practising something completely different in reality. Sending me messages of support, yet lying behind my back. Asking for my help in trying to stop these low lives, yet doing nothing to solve their own problems. They were just as bad as those they pretended to detest. They were no different, in fact they were worse. Their pretence shamed themselves!
Not only did they pretend to be saints, but they also tried to destroy others, by starting rumours about them. Awful rumours, designed for people like me, to choose them over others. I was warned against friendships, I was told to avoid. I was told unspeakable things to change my mind I was manipulated, beyond belief, in order for me to take a side, believe a lie or agree with their pretence. They were good at what they did, they succeeded some of the time, they made me believe a lot of what they said, but it didn't last forever!
These times proved what friends were all about. Moving away from such people can of course be hard, and we were lucky enough to be given a lot of support. During those first few weeks, we were helped by a friend, who stayed with us. He stopped the rot from entering the door and despite our ups and downs has remained a dear friend ever since. He was one of the ones we were warned against, he was nothing but a mate, took and pretended to be nothing, other than genuine and trustworthy!
Most of those we had known for a long time had stopped associating with us, and those we called friends at the time. They had very good reason too. They not only saw them destroying us, but were also afraid of what could happen to them. Survival of the fittest, and totally understood! Most of those, older friends are now back on side and making myself and Jason stronger, everyday!
Finally new friends. People we have become close too over the last six months. People we have had to trust, in order to have a good network of friends to get over these awful times. So far they have proven how good they are for us, have asked for nothing in return and continue to offer support. I have high hopes for these people!
Trust is something that has to be earned. It can not be established quickly. It takes many months, in fact years in most cases to feel comfortable with somebody. Naturally, trust is built on good and bad times spent together and can only be measured by the good and bad circumstances surrounding that friendship. One should never be afraid to invite people into ones life, but equally one should be weary of everyone, until they prove their worth.
'Trust can only be measured in time. It is not an instant occurrence!'