Jason had arranged a surprise trip to Cornwall, Kernow and the West Coast, after the pressure of the last few months, Personally we both haven't had a break for what seems like over a year. I have completed more during the last six months, in all respects, than I have done in many years. Despite suffering from the most serious Bipolar relapse of my life, challenging circumstances, attempted suicides, problems with medication, my Marriage to my partner his, illness, series of meetings on a professional level, and unstable future, I have in my opinion achieved something, I have never done in my life. I have Managed to stay the course, deal with all my issues, not run away or give up and most of all regain my fighting spirit, battling nature and sense of moral duty, that had somehow got lost over the years. Defeat was never an option, especially when we bare no guilt, shame or responsibility for our current state of affairs.
We have had an extremely traumatic time, well over and above, what anyone should have to endure. I have seen, heard and learned many things that will remain with me forever. I will relive nightmares, pain and health issues for a lifetime, but such a tirade of abuse has really made me wake up and deal head on with so many issues, through sheer will power and personal judgement. I guess when you have so much thrown at you in one go, you really do see the prospect of failure, enduring ill health and even face death in the face, something inside of you clicks over, you go into survival mode and fight the biggest battle of your whole life. Of course that fight is not over, but as I was told today, you have truly had to stand up and be counted and your spirit has seen you through the darkest days of your life. Most people would have collapsed long ago, be proud of all you have achieved.
As we left for Stephens and Shaun's, early on Saturday morning, I was well aware, that this day was important for many reasons. I looked in the window viser mirror, I saw an old man looking back at me, scared and pained, and for the first time, I noticed just how much we had and still are enduring. It was etched on every inch of my face, yet I wasn't upset, I was glad to be experiencing this day, when, as little as a month ago, I never expected too. I had survived and was still kicking hard.
First stop, St Marys surgery. Doctor Rock signed me fit to go back to work on the 16 November 2015. She was pleased to see such a change in me and was so glad I felt able to return to work. This was not really a choice, circumstances have dictated, the final stages of recovery and as my partner continues to spiral downwards, it was time, I did what he has done for me, so many times in the past, look after him and make sure he remains, at least able to feel secure. My partner is my life, I would die for him. My turn to sort out other peoples mess and finally say NO, you do not have the right!
We left at 10.30am, on the long trip to Cornwall. I enjoyed every minute of the journey. Suddenly a release from destruction was in sight.
Stephen and Shaun, were, as ever welcoming and I think highly glad to see us. They had invited us down and as friends do, we went. It was an assurance for us, that these two were special and that we will never forget friends like these. We will always go out of our way to see them, they have done so much for us both, that words are just not enough.
Despite our past histories, arriving in Newquay was just like coming home. I have never felt so welcomed and comfortable in someones company, in such a long time. This friendship was important to all of us and it showed.
Sitting and chatting over a few glasses of red wine, listening to 'Gold' on the radio was so wonderful, you just wouldn't believe. The music on then radio took me back to happy childhood memories and I was in the company of a couple, who I admire greatly. One Bipolar, one not, just like us. So much in common, that how could we not cement an everlasting friendship!
Bonds that keep people close!
The sun shone all day, the evening was beautiful and we all took a brisk walk to Newquay Town Centre and 'Bar Help', where Stephen was working that evening. We had a few pints at this friendly pub and suddenly Jason became emotional. Things had really been getting on top of him and once again he spoke of suicide.
For this reason and many others, I will not give up, looking after Jason. He was bought down to this level, and someone has to answer for it. What sort of person does that to another person? Those involved, read this blog and are well aware of who they are. Their silence speaks a thousand words. One day, you will face up to what you have done, that day will destroy you and by then we would have moved on. You will live with this for the rest of your lives.
We walked back to Stephen and Shaun's flat where we continued talking into the early hours. It was interesting to see, just how much these two really care. I can't speak highly enough of them both.
So the sun kept shining!
We had a lovely lazy Sunday, walking around the gorgeous town, a few drinks in local pubs and enjoying the scenery. I have not felt this relaxed in a very long time.
As things do, the topic of conversation turned to serious matters. Stephen used to work for Unite, the same Union I am a member of. He listened to me intently about my situation, and gave me some very important information. Invaluable information that I will act on as soon as possible. He was as stunned by everything as us!
Currently I am lying in bed finishing this first part of my Newquay blog. Quietly listening to Elgar, deep in thought. There are going to be a few hairy days on the way, but I am so bloody strong, I can handle anything and I will, because I know how to experience love, and for the love of my partner, I continue the good fight.
We all have to do things we do not like, now it is my turn!