At various times in our life, Jason and myself have decided on a new start. New starts can involve moving away, removing bad influences, new jobs, illness or just a feeling or momentum! After the relapse two months ago, there was an urgency to change our lives. This wasn't just about my illness, this was about more than that. This was about complete, total change, bought about by people, who unknown to them, had done me a favour. Their intentions were malicious, but by acting as they had done, they had not only been the trigger for my relapse, but also a new start!
When a colleague, pulled that trigger two months ago, I had no idea about the journey I would be sent on. Not only a road of recovery, but also a road of discovery. Not only have I battled the enormous challenge of recovering from a major relapse, but I have also discovered much about the nature of friendships, people, reactions and the reality of change!
Two months ago, the situation was critical. My life was at stake, as was the safety of my partner and friends. I am unaware of much of what happened at that time. Medication tends to blur the lines and the nature of Bipolar, allows one to forget, much of what happened! The ten days or so, leading up to the relapse are very much a blur. I am told it was scary for other people. My thoughts were racing, voice was loud, words jumbled, speaking faster and faster, every day. Body temperature changes, rapid cycling, mixed periods of mania and depression. This list goes on and on! When I took those first sedatives over the Easter Bank Holiday, I am sure it was a relief for everyone. Finally peace for them and myself!
I learnt a lot about people, during those first few weeks. The people I would have imagined to be there were not. No where to be seen. Running away from what they did not understand or point blank, didn't care enough to be there. I accepted that. Bigger fool me! Then there were the people who were there during those first few crucial days. Natalee Michelle, a friend for a mere three months, yet was there every step of the way. She was there that first day I got out of jail, she was there when I was sleeping, she was there when I first left the house. Dale Douglas, a friend for nearly twenty five years. He came most weekends, and at various times during the week. He actually became the friend we should have been years ago. We got closer and closer, and I can't thank him enough for all his support! Christopher Bunday, a friend for eight years, like a son. He was there during those first few days. He spent the whole of Easter with us. Came out with us to old stomping grounds and talked to me about my illness, the hope and the options available to me. Then there was Kirsty and Jamie. They were always there. Happy, cheerful, despite their own problems. They were the smile, when I had none, they were the happiness when I had none and they were the hope, when I had none! Everybody needs a Kirsty and Jamie!
There were others there at that time, but these were the people who got me through and I owe a great debt of gratitude. When I look back, I would never have believed, these were the ones who meant the most, but they were and still do. You never really know who your friends are, until things go wrong and each one of them, proved beyond a doubt, just how fantastic, loyal and loving they were!
Jason Vranjes was without exception, he best carer and partner in the world. He did everything by the book. He made sure that I had everything I needed, administered medication, and stuck with me, through and through. I could not have wished for any better and I love him for that!
I have rekindled old friendships with people who deserve all the happiness in the World. It meant so much to see Terry and Sam on my Birthday and they gave me the last bit of strength I needed to beat this recovery. Two people who know what it is to battle and win!
My future is now sealed. I am returning to work soon. Destiny remains uncertain, but I am used to that. I am able to move forward finally, knowing that I have the best of friends behind me. I worked out the other day that I have deleted over one hundred people from my life over the last few months. That is my saving grace. The deletion has given me confidence and pushed me towards my goal today. A goal, where I am well, happy, strong and able. Quality counts, quantity is a smoke screen.