First few days A OK!
I have been feeling totally demotivated for a long time. Things were getting too strung out and Jason and I were feeling fed up and to be honest pissed off . When you have been dangled from the tallest tower, for as long as us, you just want things to hurry the hell up and finish. That's where we were. Today it seems, things are moving forwards. Everything is still at snails pace, but at least the end is in sight. About time too I say. We have both been left high and dry for too long.
It's amazing really. When I got up this morning and looked around my bedroom, I just saw debris and decay. Not real decay, just a metaphor for what had been going on in my life over the last six months. To be honest I was not impressed. My life reduced to rubble, because of other people. Guess what this Old Queen woke up. nobody, least of all the trash, ugliness and unfortunate, were going to rattle my bones any further. Jason and I have been through so much, It was time we fought back, in all respects. Officially, legally and generally!
It's one month to our Wedding today. I wanted to feel happy at that thought, not still wound up at the situation we have been left in. Time to start sorting out the rubbish, to make way for the new, exciting life that creeps up ever closer.
This quote, means more now, than ever!
Very few people understand the concept of real paranoia. In reality, I never did, until recently, which is why I just wanted to include it in my blog today.
If Jason and I had gone by our gut instincts long ago, we would have discovered much earlier, things that we would have never imagined possible. Stuff we had never heard about, until recently.
Paranoia, is our security mechanism, inbuilt, that informs us, that not everything is as it seems. Always trust it, Rarely is it wrong, but equally, rarely do we accept it to be true!
I used to think, the things around me, projected a memory, where there no longer was one. My memory is shot to bits. I always cherished what thoughts and feelings I still had left. Of course that has now changed. I do not care less about the past any more. Every time, I think of a happy moment, way back when, the nasty, obtrusive recollections of more recent happenings, just intrude. In reality, the happier times, are now just taken over by the spiteful times, over the last six months.
Now that was the quote, I used to live by. Really, though, are things that important.
Life changing events, tend to change our outlook on life. A house fire, death, mid life crisis. All of these events, and many more finally open our minds to new ways of thinking, concepts and paths to take.
Well, I've been getting rid of things today. Shirts, that I have only worn once, off to a local Charity Shop.
Why the hell would I keep stuff, I never wear anyway. It's not as if shirts hold any sentimental attachments, so time to ditch the stitch!
Tomorrow, I'm going to work on throwing more sentimental things away, but it is a start at least, Yes, decluttering is great for the soul, I've enjoyed every minute of it
Anyway enough about paranoia. Today, still calm on this medication, I felt more fight, than I have done for a long time.
I've been sorting out cupboards, doing the washing, cleaning the house and generally feeling great. Yes me feeling great. It does happen, now and again.
We managed to sell the spare sofa from the old upstairs lounge. A friend of Jays bought it, so there wasn't really much I had to do, just give it a clean.
It's not the money made from selling stuff, that spurs me on, it's the psychological ramifications involved.
As more items are sold, so another part of our old life disappears and a new door is opened. It's a happy feeling. I have found it so difficult to part with things, until now. The difference within me is profound. Nothing I own, means anything anymore. It is all, just a jumble of bad memories, to be wiped from ones mind!
This new quote, will be the one, I forever hold too. All tangible things end. They mean very little, in the end. For a while they make one feel secure. In the end they prevent change and do not allow us to move on to bigger and better lives.
Jason and I have been held back for too long. We lived in a large three bedroom house, because of 'THINGS'. They were a noose around our neck, provided a stomping ground for stagnation and prevented us both from following our dreams.
In 2015, after a destructive six months, everything we ever believed in, has been thrown into question. Moving on from such disasters of life, are so god damn easy now. This was fate and we never knew it!
Our SJ, popped over this afternoon. She looked as happy as Larry and in high spirits. Had a few beers and chatted about things that we have both been through. If anyone would understand it would be SJ.
She is happy for our decisions and glad we will be starting a new life, in Spain, away from times best forgotten.
Another great person in our life, who always showed the utmost respect!
Peace and Love!