Last night Jason read my blog, the one about him in particular. He was concerned that people could read something into the words that did not mean what they thought. I have said I write the truth, as I have done throughout the whole of this blog. There is nothing I would take back, amend or change. The meaning is for me. I do not wish to mention people's names, that would not be the right thing to do. It is a subtle reminder for me, at times when my judgement may be skewed by other people, or indeed the person or people I am writing about. It is about learning from ones mistakes and moving forward.
I have been on this Southampton scene for years, probably about twenty five in total. I have met many people. There are a few I am still friends with, but in all honesty, the vast majority move on, or as we are again doing, they are removed from our life. They have to be, for our own well-being and to allow us to move forward. We haven't survived together for twenty years by accepting everyone and considering everyone as life time friends, for reasons very clear. They are written throughout this blog.
Let me first say, that the people in our life currently are just what we need, want and am very happy with, thank you. All friendships have their up's and down's, but essentially, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with any of the people we associate with.
This weekend we saw some 'old friends', people we had not seen for a while. It made me very happy to have them at my Birthday. It also made me realise, what they had been through as well as the genuine nature of their visit. All of us had experienced hell as well as happy times together in the past. Sadly when you do get hurt, it takes a while to realise, not everyone is that way. I think we all discovered that. I have also met some new and honest people, who have been more than generous with their openness of spirit and respectful nature. I am always happy to meet new faces, I will always be wary, but equally ready to accept!
My words over the weekend refer to an individual, but as stated, I am not going to mention them by name. It is not fare on them or those around them. The clue is in the length of time I have been about in Southampton. Sadly I have seen people turn into a shadow of their former self. Their self belief, whilst admirable, is also based on delusion and lies.
At this time, I do not need people who are madder than myself. That would be a ridiculous thing to have around me. I am on a path of recovery, not the road to ruin. I know that close relationships with some people are out of the question for my own health, this is one of them. I suppose, by recognising the insane nature of conversations, and the confused statements of half truths and added in romantic views of situations that were nothing but, has made me realise I am not as mad, as some people like to make out!
I have to recognise when people are no longer good for me. In the past I would have a deluded view, that I could help everyone, I can't. Some people are beyond help. Jason and my self have a duty to keep bad influences away. Oddly we learnt that from two friends in particular, one who stayed with us for a short while and the other who reminds me of 'Matron' in those seventies Carry On films. Both kept the wolves from the door at a crucial time! We have to think of us and the next twenty years and hopefully beyond. We would make a huge mistake, if we allowed demented feet to become comfortable under our table. The consequences of such misguided acceptance would signal the end for us!
Read what I say. Don't make assumptions, jump to the wrong conclusions and claim to be the person I am talking about, unless you know. In all honesty, if I felt this strongly about someone, they would already know, or there would be an ongoing avoidance strategy.