These new tablets are certainly playing havoc with my constitution at the moment. Sleeping is a nightmare. We mainly sleep separately for the time being, since my shaking keeps Jason awake and the sleeping pills are tending not to work. Stress of illness, a Wedding and long term plans all contributing to volatile times. Despite all of this I am at least looking forward to our Wedding. Love is a beautiful thing! I Have got up, rather than toss and turn in bed, so blogging it is!
I wanted to mention a few things about my blog, since certain individuals do not understand the way I write, the things I say, the irony and occasional comedy involved. Why does everyone think reference to fictional characters are about them. Only they can answer that. Lets take Verruca Almond, a carer, that just cares too much, based on two of the important people in my life. My son and carer Jay Greaves and full time professional carer Natalie Michelle. Yes carers. Two fabulous individuals who have been looking after me, at this time, without which, we would be ill beyond, what we are now.
I love these two unconditionally, but sometimes I do get smothered and upset by the amount of caring they feel should be involved. Lets take knives for example. I recently caught Jay sharpening the kitchen knives. I don't think I have ever done that in my life. Not only that but he has removed all knives from my possession, just in case I decide to stick one inside my stomach. Equally all medication is hidden, for the same reasons. I AM NOT GOING TO KILL MYSELF!
Verruca is a tongue in cheek look at a carer, who is the opposite of her job title. It is an ironic look at the person I would love to have. Only sometimes, mind you. Ironic, get it!!! Of course I love Natalee and Jay with all my heart and they always do what is best for my welfare. I know I should not complain, but life has thrown some dreadful stuff our way and I accept all the help I can get. If people see themselves in Verruca, then personally I am shocked. She is FICTIONAL, NOT REAL. Sometimes I really give up. I am a writer, who rights fact, fiction and many other types of prose. If you are going to cast aspersions, speak to the monkey, not the organ grinder.
I am not going to kill myself!
Five days to go to the big day, and I am feeling a little nervous. By no means has our Wedding turned out the way it was supposed too, but neither has our life, so for that reason it is perfect and I couldn't care less. Jason's Cousin is arriving from Croatia on Saturday. In the evening, we shall both be having a low key 'Stag Do', with close friends, together. Jason will be moving out of Capri for the duration before the Marriage. He is staying with his Cousin Marin, with a friend. I think that is rather quaint to be honest. A little too traditional for my taste, but it will give me a chance to spend quality time with Jay Greaves and Jamie Hough, who will be following on closely behind to stay with her Gay Mother, to keep her company, crayons, pens, dressing up box and Ribena in tow. during these final days of freedom!
There is not much left to do before the 22 September now. I have to finish making the bouquets for Natalee Michelle and Kirsty Hooper, that is about it.
Jack received the wrong colour wastecoasts with our suits, so they will be replaced ASAP. Jason has to write his speech and Dale is printing the programmes.
I have to organise accommodation for family and friends, as Gay Capri is packed solid and a few last minute contacts and the obligatory hair cut, then finish!
I joined Jay in the garden for a bit yesterday evening, as he and I burnt some of the accumulated paperwork and memories, collected over the years. It actually felt very liberating burning the burdens, left behind from past times.
It was nice to have a chat at the same time. People will never understand, just how much I love this guy for everything he has done in helping us through this period in our lives.
Jay is a strong character and takes no nonsense, least of all from me. He is always there when I need him, gives first aid if needed and has done everything to protect me from others and myself.
Kirsty, Jamie and Imogen popped over this evening. Always good to see them. It has been six months since I did their last tarot readings, so we did an update. Bugger me, those cards were as accurate as they have ever been.
I love doing Tarot, as a sort of side kick. In all honesty I never believed a word of it, but since I have been doing it more regularly, it is turning out more and more accurate each time.
It is also a great way of helping people think about there lives, monitor it and reassess it if possible. With such busy lives we rarely get time to think about the difficulties we face, Well Tarot helps in that process!
Jay works damn hard. He is respected by his staff, works over and above what he reasonably should and cares deeply about those more vulnerable. He is a credit, a life saver, an honest and loyal friend and colleague and has more integrity, than I have ever known, in someone of his age.
Very proud of you Jay!
So, five days to go and I have been in reflective mood. Big changes to ones life demand, big thoughts. I hear so much babble and bluster about myself, my blog and my illness, that, you know what I am just sick of the lies and untruths. I have a voice and will always make it clear to protect those I love, respect and indeed, those who are less able than I. I do so wish, others would do the same. Give a voice to the voiceless!